Tuesday, March 13, 2007

MIA

Lest you think I actually am trapped in my closet, let me reassure you that I am not. I am actually trapped in my office. Not really much better, but at least the office has running water and Diet Dr Pepper. My life shall probably be like this all week, but that happens very rarely for me, so I am just going to think of it as a good way to build up extra billable hours, which will hypothetically permit me to take a vacation this summer. And I can work from home at night, so I actually got home at a decent time and got to spend about 30 minutes with H and have a "homemade meal", which was nice. The homemade meal was vegetarian corndogs, but still.

So recently I had a way-too-long conversation with the main floor receptionist at my office. I went to her desk to pick up a contract that had just been delivered for me. I told the receptionist, "Hi, I'm -R-, and I need to pick up an envelope that was just delivered."

The receptionist started freaking out because she couldn't find it in the first .1 seconds after I asked. Then when she found it (it only took about 10 seconds, but she was panicking at that point), she asked who I was.

"I'm -R-," I said.

She argued with me. Then she proceeded to look up my picture on the company website and tell me I look nothing like my picture. I offered to show her my i.d. and asked if I could have my envelope. She would not give me the envelope until she had finished telling me every detail that was different between Actual -R- and the Picture of -R-. In case you are wondering, in the picture: I have longer hair, am not wearing glasses, am facing at a different angle, am wearing a different outfit, have different earrings in, and my nose looks different. I pretended to be interested in each discrepancy, when really I was just thinking, "AAAAAAAAARGH." But I am not a pirate and am in fact a nice person, so I thanked her and then ran away.

18 comments:

jen said...

You work at NASA, perhaps? Sheesh, sometimes people put TOO much effort into their jobs.

3carnations said...

Wearing a different outfit, eh? That's something to keep in mind next time you have a picture taken for ID purposes - Wear something you like, because you will have to wear it everyday until the next picture is taken.

Sounds like somebody takes their ID checking responsibilities slightly more seriously than the job description merits...

claire said...

woah...

sounds like crazy-receptionist.

we have one of those... wooh. it is so unsettling when someone takes their job WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. though it does sound kind of like she's maybe on something.

hee.

lizgwiz said...

Maybe she was bored, and trying to liven up her day?

I love vegetarian corn dogs!

stefanie said...

Ha. I love your idea of a "homemade meal." Mainly because it is pretty similar to mine. Did you have instant stuffing or mashed potatoes with it? That's how I usually complete MY corn dog meals.

I also love any excuse to clarify that you are not a pirate. Well done.

Edge said...

She's right, you don't look a think like your picture in your company directory. I think you may be a Guatemalen spy.

~Jef

Noelle said...

My friend works in an office that received a pipe-bomb in the mail, and now every package they receive has to be opened in the mail room while someone watches. On Valentine's Day, she was sent a dozen roses from a person who is stalking her. The entire office got wind that she had received a package, and went to the mail room with her to watch her open it. When all the other women started cooing, she had a very difficult time explaining that the gift was actually a very, very bad thing. I think, actually, the terrorists are winning.

L Sass said...

I cannot believe that you dare to change outfits after the day you got your id photo taken! Don't you know that there is a war going on?? How are we supposed to know that you are who you say you are???

steve said...

Corn Dogs rock.

Crazy receptionists do not.

Lawyerish said...

For some reason, "vegetarian corn dogs" cracked me up.

We're all very suspicious of your identity, actually. Who are you, and what have you done with -R-?

Em said...

I could live off Diet Dr Pepper ... especially the Black Cherry Vanilla variety.

and you also forgot to mention that not many billable hours can be produced by spending mass quantities of time in your closet.

JayAre said...

I suspect she will never move past receptionist.

I heart vegetarian corn dogs! Especially Morning Star.

Marmite Breath said...

You should tell her, "You're no Pam Beasley, Madam!"

And then look at the camera and raise your eyebrows.

don't call me MA'AM said...

I just saw some vegetarian corndogs at the store last night and was this close to buying them. But ice cream seemed much more necessary at the time.

Wow. That receptionist should maybe slow down on the crank a little. What a kooky chick.

Lily said...

You have diet dr. pepper?

Lucky!

All we have is boring old diet coke.

metalia said...

Ooh, it seems receptionist nazis are a nation-wide thing. I'm just saying.

Are these vegetarian corndogs you speak of Morningstar Farms? Because "The Farms" can do no wrong in my eyes; every little thing they do is magic.

jes said...

You need to send a package to yourself under a different name, and then tomorrow go up to her desk again to pick up the package, during which you can REINTRODUCE yourself with the new name.

OMG. This game could go on forever.

Oh! Oh! HAHA.

Get the IT guy to upload a different pic of you for the different name, just to lend it credibility.

OMG. I am so funny.

I totally think so, anyway.

Red said...

Yup, it's now your duty to start messing with her mind. Immediately if not sooner.