Monday, July 31, 2006

The National Pastime and Kool-Aid Stands

I have come to the conclusion that the Texas Rangers suck. My mom, the significant other, and I went to the Twins game tonight, and at the bottom of the 6th inning, the Twins were winning 15-0. The final score was 15-2. Twins win!

There was a woman behind me with two 10-year-old boys. The woman said to the boys, "Look, boys! We could have been sitting right above that Budweiser sign over there!" The boys were really excited and went on and on about how cool it would be to sit over the Budweiser sign. Then they sang a Budweiser jingle. It was kind of creepy, actually.


Last weekend, H and I stopped at a neighborhood Kool-Aid stand. We each got a cup of Kool-Aid. (I had the red kind; H had grape.) Not only did we make these kids' day, I think we made their month. One kid was so excited when we ordered two cups that he ran next door to tell his mom that there were TWO CUSTOMERS. AT THE SAME TIME. OH MY GOD MOM CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! Then another neighbor came over to get a cup of Kool-Aid, and I swear the poor little kid almost wept with joy.

Saturday, July 29, 2006


My mom and her boyfriend/significant other/gentleman friend have now tried Guitar Hero. My mom rocks hard.

A Day in the Life of a Vet Student

Written by my sister

7am- at school to examine my dog, give meds, plan today's treatments,
track down doctor to get approval, write a report and call 2 different

8am- remember everything I did yesterday, including all lab work,
radiographs, and be ready to report to clinicians and 10 classmates by

8:30 am- grilled by clinicians on the cases that I did yesterday,
including being yelled at and made fun of for following the directions
of any doctor who was not in the room, all of whom have complete
authority over me, and also have to answer any question on other
people's cases on the spot

9:30- appointments begin

10:30- learning all about Rover and how special he is, and how he
"almost died" aka coughed

10:31- faking that I care

11:00- next appointment

11:30- can't find doctor who needs to go over case with me.

11:35- doctor still not found. not responding to 2 pages, running
through the halls, or calling his office

12:00- find doctor. get paged to go to radiology "10 mins ago" for case

12-1:00- in 3 places at once. no time to pee.

1:00- psycho owner in waiting room spotted me. I had to swear on my
life that Rover is ok, and that he is being carried because he is not
allowed to touch the "dirty hospital floor"

1:30- open lunch. get paged overhead. my pager stopped working and
yesterday's owner is on the phone.

2- on phone with pager company. What is my day time number for
technical support to call me back? Uh, I don't have one. That's why I
have a pager. so people can reach me during the day. Techs will call
me in 2 days, I will miss call, they will leave message with a return
number to call. But I can't just have their number so I can call and
skip step 1 and 2. Oh yeah, and the $0.06 bill (which they screwed up)
I have to pay by tonight or they will call the collection agency on me.

3- faking interpreting bloodwork to doctor. getting called out for not
knowing what a mild increased monocytosis means in a case of chronic

3:05- teaching owner to give fluids at home to cat we just diagnosed
with cancer. probably has 1-2 weeks to live.

4:00- fight with classmates over cases for tomorrow, so i don't get
stuck seeing diarrhea all day long

5:00- overhead page to the ward. no one can leave the room until we all
sign up to come in for a one hour shift in the middle of the night.
since i'm already on call from 5pm-8am I get out of the "extra"
mandatory shift.

6:00- run to target. buy watch to replace one eaten by dog day before.

7:00- treat and write report on my dog in isolation, wearing biohazard

8pm- call owners. all 4. only 2 dogs.

9:30pm- get to grocery store for first time since boston. realize #1-no
dinner eaten yet. #2-$200 stolen out of wallet at school (rent money)

10:00pm- get home. still no groceries. EZ Mac round 4.

10:05pm- hospital calls. can they patch me through to pyscho owner of
Rover? She finds out I'm at home, and thinks it's great how she can
reach me 24-7. I fake caring. She wants to chat about the pets I own.

10:35pm- hang up. roommates cracking up at me and my fake sympathy for her cat who ran away 4 months ago.

10:45pm- writing email to you while I wait for my laundry so I can have
something to wear so I can wake up and repeat.

Hope you enjoy. 'Tis my life.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Thirteen Things You Should Not Do at Work That I Have Done:

1. Walk around while not wearing shoes
2. Tell your boss that you suck
3. Mock the boss repeatedly... to his face (when I was a summer clerk)
4. Cry
5. Mock the boss repeatedly... behind his back (again, when I was a summer clerk)
6. Admit to a client that you have no idea what he is talking about
7. Spend more time avoiding work than doing work
8. Forget to put on deodorant when it is 90 degrees outside
9. Spill coffee all over your desk
10. Accidentally flash your underwear to everyone (my pants were too low and I kept having to bend down to get things like printer paper, revealing some of my underwear... it was yellow... at least it was not a thong)
11. Show up late
12. Take the last of the coffee and not make more (I have only done this once)
13. Get burrito on a document

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Post In Which I Pretend to Tell A Story, But Really This Is Just An Elaborate Set-up For A Link

There are a few, but not many, books that I have read over and over. H does not understand how I can keep re-reading the same book. Most of the time I remember what is going to happen next, but this knowledge doesn't stop me from enjoying the story.

In the same way, I have favorite stories that I tell over and over. There is the story of the bread in my bike wheel. My boss and the $1000 pillow. My sister thinking she was going to fall off a mountain. My sister dating the Jones Soda guy.

I also have favorite stories from my friends' repertoires that I love when they repeat now and then. I think my favorite of all stories is Andy's Story of Dating Disaster. I love, love, LOVE when he tells this story, and I even asked him to tell it at my rehearsal dinner, which he did. H's relatives still talk about it because it is one of the best stories ever. Maybe someday I will have Andy guest blog for me or I will get his permission to share it here.

I think I have added a new favorite story to my list. When I tried to tell H about it last night, I laughed so hard that I snorted several times AND cried. True signs of a good story. That story is here.

Monday, July 24, 2006

I Wanna New Drug

(And by "I" I mean the plant pictured at the end of this post.)

The Guitar Hero/Poker Party: A bunch of H's coworkers showed up. Everyone brought lots of beer. The coworkers were really fun and all seemed to enjoy themselves. People + beer + enjoyment + cards and Guitar Hero = fabulous party.

Because my mom is coming to visit on Wednesday, our fridge looks like this:

Hi, Mom! Want a lime? I hope so, because that's the only actual food we have.

At least our giant bottle of margarita mix broke, or my mom would be taking H and I straight to A.A.

Yes, my mother is coming to town. She and her (long-time) boyfriend are coming here for the boyfriend's family reunion, and they are finally going to see our house. I know this is quite shocking that a parent would give advance notice that she would like to visit (and even make plans months in advance!) but that is how my mom rolls. So the mom and the boyfriend shall be staying in the guest room for six nights. Yikes! They have full-day plans almost every day because of the reunion, so H should be able to survive. I am taking my mom to her favorite store EVER, Ikea, and we are going to a Twins game, so that should keep everyone busy and entertained.

In a completely unrelated story, do any of you know anything about gardening? Our yard has some really nice landscaping, but H noticed this while mowing the lawn a month or so ago:

Ew. What is that white stuff?

Here it is from a distance.

What the bush is supposed to look like. (These bushes are right next to the odd one.

In true H and -R- style, we have done nothing about the weird mold stuff. Hello??? McFly??? I know. I know. We should do something. But now I am asking you about it , so I feel like this counts for something. Maybe.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Doing It All for My Baby*

*Not tired of it yet!

No Thursday Thirteen for the day. Instead, I will show you how I found out that we are having a party at my house on Friday.

To: All H's Coworkers, -R-
From: H
Subject: Invite


I am planning a poker/guitar hero party this Friday starting at 7ish. [5 named coworkers] are already planning on attending. Email me back if you intend on being there. If you do not know what guitar hero is let me know. Please let me know by Thursday if you plan on attending so YOU will know how much food and liquor YOU will have to bring for EVERYONE.


If someone is not on the [e-mail distribution list], please invite them.

B.Y.O. Chair

When I called H to find out what was going on and asked why he didn't run this by me first, he said, "But I told you about it in advance!" So as long as I am invited to this party at my own house, and I knew about the party before it actually began, H thinks we are good. To quote Jonniker and Guinness Girl, "GAH!"

[I am not mad, but I am annoyed. I think the party will be fun though.]

Monday, July 17, 2006

The Heart of Rock & Roll

(is still beating) I think from now on I am going to give all my posts titles of songs from Huey Lewis & The News. And by "from now on" I mean until I get tired of it, which will probably be tomorrow.


My friend completed her first triathlon this weekend! Not only was she in the top half of her age group, she was in the top half of all participants! I am so impressed! You have to train so hard for such a long period of time to be able to complete a triathlon- just completing all that training would impress me. Anyway, I am proud of her and glad she had so much fun doing it!


You know how some blogs have interesting stories? I should try that some time.


H had never seen The Sound of Music until this weekend. I have actually owned the DVD for several years because it is my favorite movie and my sister gave it to me as a gift. I had a very bad week last week. So bad that several of the partners I work with and a couple of assistants on my floor asked me several times if I was doing ok, and H told me, and I quote, "You look like hell." Thanks, honey! Anyway, I was just really stressed out. H was concerned when on Thursday I was yelling about EVERYTHING and almost crying. On Friday night, he brought Chinese food home and told me that he wanted to watch The Sound of Music with me. I was annoyed that he thought one movie would make me feel better. But then we watched it, and by the time Maria was leaving the convent to go to the Von Trapps house, I was feeling 10 times better. During "My Favorite Things" and "Do-Re-Mi," H exclaimed, "That song is from this movie?!" Oh, H, I am so glad that I could educate you in the ways of The Sound of Music. He didn't even know it was based on a true story!

The two most hilarious parts of The Sound of Music:
1. After Liesl and Rolf sing "Sixteen Going on Seventeen" and they kiss, Liesl comes out of the gazebo and screams like a banshee. It is so scary that it makes me crack up.

2. At Maria's wedding, she walks down the aisle to the song, "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria." Why didn't she just walk down the aisle to the nuns yelling, "You suck!" "Good luck, Captain Von Trapp. That beeyotch is crazy!"

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Tomorrow: A Preview

Boss: -R-, why are you so late getting to work?

Me: Sorry, I had a late night last night. I got a lot of work done this weekend though.

Below, the work that I got done this weekend. We were answering the question, "Why is H obsessed with Guitar Hero?"

The answer is: Guitar Hero is the best game EVER!

Also, we are dorks.

Please note that my hairdo was not intended for public viewing. My hair was flopping in my face and preventing me from really rocking out to "More Than A Feeling," so the clips had to be used.

What do Spam, Huey Lewis, and Ted Williams Have in Common?

Stinkypaw sent me the following meme:

1. Go to Wikipedia.
2. In the Search box, type your birth month and day (but not year).
3. List three events that happened on your birthday.
4. List two important birthdays and one interesting death.
5. One holiday or observance (if any).
6. Tag 5 more peoples - if you feel like it.

Since my birthday (July 5) is the best birthday ever, I decided to do it.

1937 - Spam, the luncheon meat, was introduced into the market by the Hormel Foods Corporation.
1947 - Larry Doby signs a contract with the Cleveland Indians baseball team, becoming the first black player in the American League. (Jackie Robinson had broken the color barrier with the Brooklyn Dodgers in the National League 11 weeks earlier.)
1989 - The sitcom Seinfeld aired its first episode.

1950 - Huey Lewis, American musician

1976 - Bizarre, American rapper

2002 - Ted Williams, baseball player

Independence Day (for Venezuela, Algeria, and Cape Verde)

Thursday, July 13, 2006

I finally got rid of the weirdo extra bullet point on my Links list in the sidebar! And I added two new blogs! There are more I need to add, but I will have to save that for a later date. Jonniker and Thinking Out Loud, I hope you are not expecting a sudden upswing in traffic. Even H, who is my husband and therefore my loyal reader, does not click on my links to other blogs. Plus, he is basically my only reader. Oh yeah. [Said in the voice from the Ferris Bueller song that goes "chicka-chick-ah"]

Speaking of "chicka-chick-ah," [Oh yes I really did just use that as a transition- you know you are jealous. Bow bow.], H and I went to the graduation party for one of his cousins a few weeks ago. It was a party for both H's cousin and some friend of his from school. The friend, we discovered, was a little bit odd. For her graduation party, to which she invited her family and grandparents, she wore hole-y jeans and a t-shirt that read, "Bow chick a wow wow." I overheard an older gentleman (in his late 60s or 70s) ask her what her shirt meant, and she told him it was a reference to the music played in porn movies.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

American History 101

So you expect me to actually post something that is not related to someone else's wedding? Fine!

Disco Turtle will distract with you its shiny-ness.

We had a lot of fun in DC, but I am going to tell you a little secret. DC is freaking HOT in July. I know - SHOCKING! So on July 4th, we decided to walk from the GWU Metro Station to the Lincoln Memorial, walk past the Vietnam and World War II Memorials, and make our way to the Mall. Approximately 2.39 million other people had the same idea. We were reading the Gettysburg Address, which is on the wall of the Lincoln Memorial, when a family came up near to us, and the dad announced, "Look, kids! It's the Declaration of Independence! Let's take a picture." And then while the dad was taking the picture, H moved kind of behind the dad and said, "Honey, it's the GETTYSBURG ADDRESS! Let's take a picture." Yes, we are rude like that.

What? Because I know the difference between the difference between the Declaration of Independence and the Gettysburg Address, and I realize they were written in different centuries, I think I am smart and snobby enough to like art? Why yes, I do.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

It's so easy to write a post when you don't really write anything and you just post pictures of other people's weddings. Continuing on that theme:

The bride, groom, photographer, and mandap

I don't have any pictures of the ceremony because I ended up sitting on the mandap with the bride, groom, and Hindu priest. (It's not that there weren't any other seats; I was asked to sit up there to "assist." I would say that my assistance consisted completely of handing paper towels to the bride and groom when they needed them. But it was really cool because I could see everything the priest was doing, and I got to see the ceremony up close.)

I am sure H would be annoyed if I didn't tell you how he participated in the wedding. The beginning of the wedding was outside, with the groom processing in on a pseudo-elephant (convertible decorated like an elephant) and the bride's family and the bridesmaids going out to meet him. Then a couple of guys picked up the groom on their shoulders, and H (alone) picked up the bride and put her on his shoulder. Considering that H was about a foot taller than almost everyone else at the wedding, he was well suited for the job. While they were in the air, the bride and groom put garlands around each other, and H had to duck to get the bride low enough for the groom to be able to put the garland around her. The families were impressed by H's feats of strength, and during the cocktail hour, they made him cut to the front of the drink line saying, "We better not keep him waiting; we saw what he can do!"

The wedding was fantastic, and I didn't even cry during my speech! It helped that my speech was a co-speech with the other bridesmaids in which we read/performed a series of funny limericks about the bride and groom. (Not to worry; they were appropriate for reading in front of the couple's relatives.) I did cry later when talking to the bride's father because he was talking about knowing me in high school and about my friendship with the bride. He was nice enough to keep talking with me and to pretend like I wasn't freakishly but silently crying, so it all worked out.

Are these entries interesting only to me? I suppose not any more so than my blog usually is.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Picture Pages

(Time to watch Bill Cosby do a picture page with you!) (This used to be a show or a segment of a show that I had to watch while babysitting some neighbor kids.) (Enough with the parentheses.)

After the bride got all her mendhi done, she couldn't do too much, so the groom had to assist. Her feet were painted too, but my picture of her feet is blurry.

My hand with mendhi. After the henna mixture is applied, you let it dry and soak in for several hours. Then you scrape off the mixture, and your hand has been dyed.

The back of my ensemble at the raas-garba. I believe raas and garba are the names of the dances we did.

The bride and bridesmaids. In case you didn't guess, the bride is in the middle. My new haircut and I are on the left.

Henna hands!

What? You are jealous of my awesome photo editing skillz? Thanks!

I can only get five pictures to post today. Hopefully, I will be able to add more soon if Blogger stops being crazy. Next episode: Wedding Day 2 - They Get Married, and I Only Have Pictures of the Reception!

Thursday, July 06, 2006

More to Come...

The wedding was really fun, our touristy travels through DC were good, my birthday was rainy but enjoyable. I will have pictures and more to come tomorrow.

[Edited 7/7 to add: I am trying to add pictures, but Blogger is being stupid. I will add pictures soon!]