My heart almost burst on Thursday night when I watched Jim and Pam talk on the phone during The Office. I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I used to get when I had a huge crush on a guy but didn't know if he liked me back. The feeling is part anxiousness and part hopefulness. For me, it was usually mostly anxiousness. It was horrible to want someone to like me so much and to not know if he liked me back at all. Or worse to know that he didn't like me "that way" or not at all. But in the rare moment in which I found out that the person I was crushing on actually did like me back... It sounds so dorky, but it was really just sheer bliss. Momentary bliss, but still. And I won't ever have that feeling again.
Would I trade being married to H for anything? No. Does he make me happier than I ever have been? Yes. He continues to surprise me, make me laugh every day, impress me with his strength, and give me butterflies (metaphorically speaking). I am sure he will continue to make me happy in ways I can't yet imagine. But there are also things I will never experience again because I am married, and that is a little bit sad.